How to save a life?
Recently in our 77 video blog we found an interesting way of destroying industrially brewed beers made by the faceless multinational corporate giants.
Martin and I played some beer golf. Cutting our hands was worth it as we got to kill some truly awful bottles of beer.
Anyway we want your ideas on how we can destroy generic, monolithic beers in future video blogs. What would you like to see us do with bottles of Bud, Miller and Carling? Would you like to see us go clay pigeon shooting with some Stella as cannon fodder? Playing beer baseball with Becks? Perhaps 10 pin bowling a multipack of Corona? Get your little thinking caps on. The more bottles we can smash, the more souls we can save.
The best 5 suggestions will all be sent a mixed case of our hardcore ales.
Posted in - video-blog
- Build a potato-gun. Load a can of MGD. Fire long distance mortars at a pyramid of Bud bottles.
Repeat until the rivers run red with Bud.Ben Rodenhammer12.04.2010
- Why stop at destoying individual bottles of the muck? Why not just drop a bomb on Burton on Trent and fix the problem at source?
Oh hang on, that's illegal isn't it? Damn, best not do that...
I think a paintball gun could destroy a few bottles of Carling, especially at point blank range. How about some cases of Bud in a car crusher? Fasten some bottles of Stella to a wrecking ball at the local demolition firm and let them do the rest? See how long a bottle of Carlsberg can withstand the flame from a welding torch?
Brewdog - I love you guys, seriously!!!Rich06.04.2010
- Forklift bad-beer polo is a given soul-saving pursuit.
How it is done:
1. take a forklift each, preferably non motorized.
2. set out from 10 - 100 bottles of soul-less ugly beer bottles or cans.
3. Take a polo club.
4. By using your forklift as a vehicle, horse, bike, what ever to make your way on the course
5. the one smashing the most bottles or cans on the course wins.
TADAA! Enjoy. Nils Engvall04.04.2010
- Get Mariusz to crush them by hand, dressed as the Hulk. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKURRRVAGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Iain Walker01.04.2010
- Drop a pallet of bricks on a few 24 cases of the main offenders. Put a lime on top of the case of corona. Iain Louden01.04.2010
- Simple Idea. Shotgun blasts, use slow mo plus music from the end of Guy Ritchies film Snatch, where the shoot Brick Top.
Stretch Idea. That bit in Goldfinger where they have Bond on the table and a laser heading for his gentlemans vegtables. Do that but no-one saves the beer. You may have to hollow out a volcano etc. Stephen Hadley Smith01.04.2010
- Freeze them with liquid nitrogen, then shoot them with an air pistol in a terminator 2 style massacre. Robert Fairs31.03.2010
- Just one word - C4! (Yes, explosives!) Mo31.03.2010
- hire a tree shredder and feed them in anarchy99931.03.2010
- hire a big spaceship and just get it to fuck off this planet whoo hoo anarchy99931.03.2010
- Stack a ton of boxes up to form a wall. Buy a really old piece of shit car. Build a mini ramp. Get in the car and drive as fast as you can, hit the ramp, and fly through the beer. You may want to hire a stuntman. The visual of a car going through a ton of crap beer, glass going everywhere, and the explosion would be great. Maybe light fireworks off in the background as the car hits the beer for a bigger effect. Tim Shaw31.03.2010
- Go to George Square with a slab of Tennents, tie enough helium balloons to the slab to make it rise with an easterly wind, then take about a 100m run from the Counting House wetherspoons with an umbrella, flapping it like Sean Connery in Indiana Jones to rouse the Pigeons, in anticipation of them pecking the balloons directly above Wellpark brewery fermenters, causing a giant cascade of Tennents to errupt and rain down on Glasgow. Geoff31.03.2010
- Have a staff barbecue while drinking bottles of your own beer. Use the bottles and cans of sub-standard beers as an interesting addition to the flames and red hot coals. But then you also run the risk of food tasting of bad beer.
Alternatively, do not cook. Just put in a big fire and wait for them to die.
OR - empty the bottles and cans, mix the contents together in a massive container. Freeze it. Then roll it down a big hill, preferably into all the empty bottles and cans. It would have a sort of destructive easter theme. Chris E31.03.2010
- Why waste your energy: remove the labels, replace them with penquin and bismarck labels and send them over to the portman group Erick31.03.2010
- Build a giant catapult with an elastic rope between 2 poles and throw a beer keg into a pile of bottles of Carlsberg,stella, bud... Daniel Rodriguez31.03.2010
- First remove all the labels from wussy beer. Then drop mentos into the beer and immediately recap it. Sit back and watch the show!
Oh and why do you remove the labels you ask? Well to restock the toilet paper at the brewery of course! Joey Bilotta31.03.2010
- Stop punishing innocent glass. The unfortunate bottle which finds itself holding such toxic brews didnt ask to be filled with crap.
You need to go to the source. You need to destroy the beer...
I suggest decanting the offending liquor into some kind of mold (say: http://bit.ly/aGYHyG ). Then you can inflict pain on the beer itself. How about:
- Putting them places to meld. Sadly, slowly
- As above. But in urinals
- Tie them to rockets, and fire them into space
- Post them to the Portman Group (return to sender)
- Spherical molds - and play pool
- Two words: Viking Funeral Chris30.03.2010
Undercover work at Inbev craig garvie30.03.2010
- Long range sniper shots with cross hair close ups before the beer snuffs it... Taco30.03.2010
- Let us spread this globally. BAD LARGER = BAD PEOPLE. BAH. Thomas30.03.2010
- Bit elaborate this but stay with me. Head over to Iceland with a Viking Long boat made out of stella cans. Then load it up with a few bottles of Fosters or Carling and then hold a viking funeral for it by launching the bad beer boat into the volcano thats just erupted over there! Paul C30.03.2010
- In true Punk style, play some Hardcore music at high volumes, film it in slow mo and watch, whilst supping a lovely pint of Trashy Blonde. Kirsty Cameron30.03.2010
- Playing 10 pin with big nationals pin sized casks using a kilderkin of Brewdog (expeiment with different gravitys). Darcey30.03.2010
- Punk it! Take a beer, add... i dont know... green food colouring, a load of chilli or something, graffiti all over the label and rest of the bottle with not so polite messages from all at BrewDog HQ, stick the lid back on and post it back to whichever brewery it came from and tell them you have made some changes and its a lot better now than its ever been!!! Richard Boyden30.03.2010
- Microwave them, with the crown caps still on of course.
Or you could always try the Will It Blend philosophy.
All these suggestions sound good fun to watch though!! Andy30.03.2010
- Have you ever heard of potato cannons? It is a simple device made from PVC piping, and it uses hairspray as a propellant. Since the cannons can hurl potatoes at an extraordinary speed, I am sure you could fit it to send a bottle of Carlsberg back to its Danish Hell. Or even better, you could go to EP Taylors grave site and shoot bottles of Carling Black Label at his headstone. I dont generally condone abuse of the dead (except in the case of Zombies), however, I believe I could make an exception for the creator of the modern beer market. Colin Sabia30.03.2010
- Fun option:
Beer Conkers - you would need some protective gear, but you could judge the macro brews by the strength of their bottles.
Chainsaws - stupid, dangerous, and fun! Pile em up and let rip!
Industrial sized option:
Car crusher - find your nearest car yard and pile as much crappy beer in to their car crusher as you can. Push the big red button, and revel is the immediate and unstoppable destruction.
The old-fashioned option:
Hammers - line up a load of bottles on top of a big block of polystyrene insulation board and see how far you can drive a bottle in to it with a single hammer blow. It will test your beer carpentry skills and the quality of the bottles... Andy Hawkes30.03.2010
- Line up Kerry Katona, Peter Andre, Jordan and all other oxygen wasting celebrities and throw bottles (or 6-packs) at them. Turn it into a reality show and Channel 4 would snap it up. Innes McCulloch30.03.2010
- Easy send them to our greedy MPs they`ll drink any crap as long as it`s free kenneth wilkinson30.03.2010
- Lay a sea of bottles down on their sides and then from a certain height, and wrapped up in bubble wrap, dive down on top, smashing as many as you can...then finish them off by making a beer angel from the mess!! Probably can be done for safety issues but looks great in my head!! Ollie Tremlett30.03.2010
- The obvious method of destruction is ten pin bowling. More elaborate would be a home-made cannon using tubing and high explosive (could be tricky to purchase, mind).
You could, of course, always just drop a crate of barley and hops on the industrial muck, so it is finally introduced to some proper ingredients. Rich30.03.2010
- douglas has kind of edged his bets there, i think he wants to win some beer... Just go top gear and drop a piano on them. is there anything more satisfying? Tobs30.03.2010
- tie them to a mates wedding car then watch them drive away smashing them whilst you sup on the best IPA man invented. dave mitchell30.03.2010
- Remove the water from it and use the remainng alcohol to fuel the trucks delivering your good stuff. Ian Prise30.03.2010
- First of all, continue making beers better than the mainstream crap - that should destroy them in a little longer perspective.
For destroying individual bottles/cans: fasten two ropes to a bottle or can and have two cars/horses/tanks etc pull it apart. Or put a can in a press and watch it slowly compress until it bursts. A fitting press should be found at any respectable solid mechanics lab :) Arno Lepisk30.03.2010
- You really do need to let us use paragraphs and apostrophies. That entry looks like I sneezed over the screen. Douglas MacIntyre30.03.2010
- OOH! Or you could plant M80 fireworks with waterproof wicks in the bottles, and let the fireworks have their way with the bottles. Don Trivisonno30.03.2010
- Heres some ideas with variable degrees of expense and health and safety paperwork involved.
1) Go up in a hot air balloon over a big target (or multiple targets) set up in a field (paint, straw, whatever) and drop and lob bottles for points. Beware of cows. Some of them like to be rubbed down with sake, but a beer bottle from 800 feet isnt the same.
2) Fill the cisterns of the company unirals with the stuff, collect the flushed run-off, put it back in the bottles, put the bottles back on the shelves and (if anyone notices) watch them lob the stuff away in disgust.
3) Get one large swing top of Grolsh and use it to launch a boat down a ramp (on land) into a pile of smaller bottles of Grolsh.
4) Set up a Pepsi Challenge type event (shopping centre, town square, whatever) with your beer in one bottle and the leading name brand in the other. The losing leading brand bottle must then be smashed by the person doing the tasting.
5) Get yourself a nice bit of lawn, some bow-ties and straw boaters and a croquet set. Instead of using hoops put out bottles of crap. Some welly may be needed in order to secure a fulsome shattering, but the objective is to get round the course breaking more than your opponent.
6) Phone up the chaps at the Army and ask if you can take some explosive targets to their range and borrow a belt fed machine gun. Tins look much more impressive when shot by large calibre ammunition than bottles do in case you go with this one btw.
7) Remote controlled car (circa Top Gear). Fill it up with stock and then run it at a symbolic speed (say 88 mph) off a very high ledge into a disused quarry. If you co-ordinate this with the BBC, you could maybe fill the car with C4 and get it to feaure in a Dr Who episode or something.
8) Find out where a building is due to be demolished... Im sure you can work out the rest of that one.
9) Strap bottles/cans to fireworks. But rather than shooting them up into the air (where fragments of glass shrapnel or metal barbs will cause inconvenient and dangerous litter over a wide area) shoot the rockets sideways at a target. Think of it as darts, but for rocket scientists. Lab coats and safety specs must be worn at all times of course, because its science. Douglas MacIntyre30.03.2010
- What is you put a six pack of each into a vacuum and crank it up until all of the bottles implode on themselves. Then see what trashy beer lasts the longest. As a reward they could be the last bottles to implode. Don Trivisonno30.03.2010
- cover a car in cans bottles etc an go stock car racing :) thermites a nice idea also fill a childs roundabout with bottles an spin it till all the beers fly off shaun mcsweeney30.03.2010
- I quite like the idea of either loading the crap into a cannon or shooting at a selection with a cannon.
I think there should definitely be something fitting with the brewdog characters...something involving a penguin, perhaps a remastered, reinforced version of the p-bomb from the sink the bismark video Tom Pickreing30.03.2010
- steam roller driven by bracken? mark30.03.2010
- One word: Trebuchet. I am sure you could fling a whole pallet of bad beer far, far away.
There is a trebuchet near Urquhart Castle on the shores of Loch Ness. Go use it for its highest possible purpose: destroying bad beer. Kenneth Clemmer30.03.2010
- Get a carton of some random crap, ass tasting beer and empty the bottles or cans of beer into a pail or watering can (hell, get all dressed up in your best gardening outfit too, bonus points for wearing a silly hat) and leave sit for a few days. Use the flat beer to water the plants. Recycle the empty bottles or cans with a catch phrase along the lines of all this is good for, giving back to nature (or whatever).. Then sit down after a hard days yakka with a good beer and insert another catch phrase. Michael Richardson30.03.2010
- Arrange some macro brew containers (bottles, cans) into words that spell BIG BEER from above, and then drop a massive weight on top of them (ideally the weight would have Brew Dog stickers all over it) ethan29.03.2010
- Overpasteurise some of that meaningless bottles. Over a certain temperature the glass should break. Ok, it is not going to be as scenographic as smashing them by playing beer golf, but pasteurisation is also the way the beer giants kill their already tasteless beer. You just need to push the boundaries of pasteurisation further, in a symbolic way.
- pick several of the most tasteless beers pop them in a microwave set timer stand well back you dont want to be covered in the lowest common denominator beer and boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm then pop open a punk ipa and smile anarchy99929.03.2010
- How about stacking them up like at a fairground and throwing a baseball at them? Winner gets a Hardcore IPA Joe Clark29.03.2010
- THERMITE! Or make bottle rockets with them... Just add compressed air. See which one flies farthest. Jimbeaux29.03.2010
- Play horseshoes... with the bottles as the stakes Steven Saldana29.03.2010
- Its quite simple, stop buying the crap! Support the producers of quality brews by buying there stuff instead and enjoy a real beer! Why make life so damn complicated? Baldric29.03.2010
- theres always the pishing option, as in compare the taste of the mass produced stuff to a pint of pish. not volunteering for this one though. DAVID SCOTT PHILIP29.03.2010
- I like the bowling with corona. how about playing beer darts of the roof of the brewery? set a huge dart board in you lot and go up on the roof and play a game of asphalt darts? paul estrada29.03.2010
- nothing fancy, just see which of the shite beers makes the best explosion when dropped from a great height.
i would be more than happy to do the dropping as i live along the coast. DAVID SCOTT PHILIP29.03.2010
- You should fill up a car-crusher bay with all the bottles and cans and see what comes out once the crusher has done its job!
Hopefully a mangled mess of sh*t beer! Baron Orm29.03.2010
- I think you should play beer-conkers. String up some bottles and smash the living daylights out of them. 2 benefits, destroying rubbish beer, and annoying the Health and Safety crowd. Winner! Steve Armstrong29.03.2010
- Dropping them out of a plane over the place they were brewed under license. Ok you wouldnt get the satisfaction of seeing them smash but at least one bottle would be gone forever Michael Ironside29.03.2010