BrewDog Launch FAKE Lager
We are delighted to announce the launch of Fake Lager.
Fake is the new black. Fake is where it is at. Fake Art, fake brands, fake breasts, and fake lager.
We want to play our part in the ugly fallout from the Lager Dream. Say hello to Fake Lager – a 21st century faux masterpiece.
The beer also marks a change in direction for BrewDog. Having studied the beer market closely over the last few years we have decided to abandon our principles and everything we believe in and give the market what it wants: lowest common denominator beer.
If you want to define yourself with tasteless, whoring mediocrity, then this new beer is for you. We are going to join forces with the mass market beer conglomerates. They will be our brothers in arms, as we seek to help them destroy the very essence of beer.
Stunning features of Fake Lager:
- Brewed with Rice, Corn and Glucose Syrups. Hey, they are much cheaper than malt you know.
- No Hops at all. They are expensive and have flavour. Leaving them out saves everyone time and money.
- Brewed at 10% ABV then diluted back to 4.7% with water just before packaging making it incredibly cheap to produce. Win.
- We add fish-guts, loads of chemicals and other really scary stuff. Not sure why. Just seems to be the done thing with industrial lagers.
- It only takes 3 days from brewing to shipping. Punk IPA takes 30 – what a waste of time!
- Almost no flavour at all. Hints of cardboard, snake oil and corroding metals.
- Quadruple filtered and pasteurised to the point it no longer has any discernible soul.
- Actively promotes binge drinking because we are going to sell it super cheap.
- Backed with a huge advertising campaign to try and trick people into thinking it is actually good. People are stupid, they will definitely believe us.
- Good men, blissful in their ignorance, will soak up it up like vermin.
Fake Lager launches in all BrewDog Bars on Saturday 6th April. Leave your morals, principles and taste-buds at the door.
Some of our team are a bit sad about this. They even made signs. They will get over it when they see how much money it makes us. If you are going to be a sell-out, you might as well do it on a grandiose scale.
Posted in - brewdog-news
- The sad thing is I have tasted more than some actual beers that had cardboard-like flavours, and definitely corroding metal if the pub's not keeping the quality control strict enough.
Never in a Brewdog pub though!Ben F04.04.2013
Thanks by OPEN our EYES!!XOSE PI03.04.2013
- It's Resch's reborn! Orffyreus03.04.2013
- Does the Portman Group know about this ??!!??
Keep up the great work.
Happy (Hoppy ?) April first.
Sorry my post is a day late.
Pete H., Nottm02.04.2013
- Is there going to be a low calorie version? SMINF02.04.2013
- When the light version will be released?? Marciocepeda02.04.2013
- Thank goodness you've stopped with the pretentious shite of taste and quality and finally brewed a proper rat's piss ale. Love the fine flavour of fish guts, mates! Though I agree, this needs a clear bottle! Also, does it come in "Lite" as well? I still have to drink something as GODAWFUL as Miller's Lite produced in Europe, so looking forward to this! iskandra02.04.2013
- Great job guys, as a shareholder i am looking forward to the maximised profit!! ;) Olefattguy01.04.2013
- Awesome. I've always wanted to show up to friends houses with a cool beer like brewdog, but I can't stand the taste of hops and malt. Thanks guys. Scotties01.04.2013
- 5 seconds. firstname.lastname@example.org
- I wanna taste the undiluted version ! ninux01.04.2013
- ^Reassuringly. Two "s"s. ButtsMcGee01.04.2013
- If you have a Brewpub patrons can just piss it right back into the vats. WhiteBreadLife01.04.2013
- 6 pack should come with frames with no lenses. Fake glasses is so where it's at. Hipster0101.04.2013
- Someone at inBev probably read this and got worried about having some more competition in the chilled urine market.
- I'm a little worried by the look George is giving James in that first picture... Steve Armstrong01.04.2013
- Fake beards? Bdurg01.04.2013
- Guess I'll be carling in for some! Kenny B01.04.2013
- Will the label have a 2-stage cold indicator to tell me:
1. When it's cold.
2. When it's REALLY cold!
LOLCraft Beer Monger01.04.2013
- If I drink it, will it make me popular at parties? hopchick01.04.2013
- Should of just called it "tramps piss" MegaRon01.04.2013
- Tried some. Needs more fish guts. Ponyhead01.04.2013
- Is it going to be available 'Extra Cold' ? smiddyboy01.04.2013
- Will you be doing a canned version at 2.4% diluted with horse urine as a supermarket own brand lager? Ian Prise01.04.2013
- Happy 1st April guys GopherTea01.04.2013
- No Tetrahop so disappointed that it wasn't packaged in a clear bottle. Young Henrys Brewer01.04.2013
- After 12 will we actually find out what's really in the lager? :D FakeFan01.04.2013
- Still be better than fosters Jordanchaos 01.04.2013
- You got me. Good one. Happy Day, 1/4/2013 today! Ccbkstb01.04.2013
- Good to see you've finally caved in like good little boys! Stosh6501.04.2013
- I'd prefer a clear bottle too, just to let the sun do as it pleases. :) Todd01.04.2013
- Really disappointed! If you are going to dilute at the bottling stage it needs to be to less than 4%!!
- Although Mikeller might consider himself the Gypsy of beers.... Jokeyjon01.04.2013
- I love the "Gypsy of beers" tag - wouldn't be surprised to see that pop up somewhere else at a later date.
I would like to add my name to the no doubt huge waiting list.Jokeyjon01.04.2013
- TAKE ALL MY MONEY Rothiseph01.04.2013
- Awesome, I'm sick of drinking Skol and Hofmeister. I will be able to drink this on the top step of my dubstep ladder! Degmau501.04.2013
- I'm disappointed - all fake lagers should be bottled in clear glad bottles ;-) Danwilliams01.04.2013
- Have you been looking at InBev's business plan again? fatboyfat01.04.2013
- Ha Ha, This could be weatherspoons new 99p bottle ha ha, good job I checked the date when I read this otherwise I'd be panicking right about now lol Mark01.04.2013
- WOW Can I order a bucket full!!!.. Phil90101.04.2013