Simcoe’s Crystal Ball
A look at 2013 by our newest recruit…
The latter half of 2012 was punctuated with a very sad moment in BrewDog history – the passing of Bracken. A gentleman dog that not only contributed to our namesake but willingly wore sailor suits, penguin suits and helped steer us in the right direction when it came to any high pressure decision.
What we didn’t realise was that Bracken had been quietly training up a four-pawed padawan – Simcoe. Now, in-between house training and nap time, Simcoe has taken up Bracken’s mantle; ownership of both the BrewDog squeaky ball and crystal ball being no exception.
So what does 2013 have in store for us? There’s only one way to find out…forgive us if some of these transmissions seem slightly obscure, Simcoe is new to this after all.
1. BrewDog to open new bar that only sells mainstream beer
As the old saying goes – if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. The past five years have seen us try our damndest to awaken the world to the craft beer cause; unfortunately some folk just ain’t for turning. So, in a landmark move, we’re embracing these differences and opening a bar that only serves mass-produced beers. Well, on the surface it’ll seem like that. It’s actually a 1960s-esque experiment that will allow us to observe, monitor and understand drinkers of mainstream swill in their natural habitats. Cool huh?
2. New beer released using 2013 ‘super food’ – dust!
The arrival of each new year almost always heralds the arrival of a new ‘super food’, in 2013’s case – dust! Calorie neutral, widely attainable and great for your figure, dust will soon become the toast of every Michelin star restaurant going. One step ahead of the game, we’ve been trialling our dust-infused beer for some time using locally sourced produce from hoover bags in the Fraserburgh and Ellon area. Prototype beers have shown the dust is doing a good job of clogging up the tanks but we're working to overcome this.
3. Martin selected as official beer advisor to the Royal Family
Another year, another collection of videos with Martin dressed as the Queen. Needless to say, the Royal Family have taken notice and in recognition of Martin’s dedication to dressing as ‘her Maj’, have invited him to become Buckingham Palace’s official beer advisor. Terms and conditions of the role include dressing as the Queen at all times, carrying a stuffed corgi and chain smoking. Martin is currently reviewing the offer.
4. BrewDog to gradually circulate conspiracy theories
You’ve not made it until there’s a conspiracy theory about you - The Beatles, Obama, Neil Armstrong, the list goes on. So in the spirit of conspiracy theories we’ve started crafting some, here’s our favourites so far – ‘all BrewDog beer is actually produced by Tennent’s and used to fuel the on-going craft beer V mainstream culture clash’, ‘Martin is the illegitimate son of Kevin Bacon’, ‘BrewDog is actually the cover story for a galactic, shape-shifting race of cat-people come to take over planet Earth’. We’re probably going to run with the last one.
5. Bowman gets a makeover
It wasn’t long before Martin’s cross dressing started to affect the rest of the brew team. Take Bowman for example – known for his all beardy rock 'n roll style. The middle of the year will see him arrive at the brewery, unrecognisable to his former self. Clean-shaven, armed to the hilt with ‘manscara’ and not comfortable leaving the house without his hair straighteners, 2013 will forever be known as the year our brewers went all metrosexual.
Please let us know your BrewDog predictions for 2013 in the comments box below!
- happy new year
keep on brewing in the free world
brewdog rocksALI BALLY B01.01.2013
- How cute is Simcoe!
- Bowman goes metrosexual. I'll drink a case of canned Tennent's if that happens! Ian Prise31.12.2012
- ...tf..? :D
Never be satisfied with the mainstream, break them rules, the habits and in every way, challenge everything. :)
Be a Dog, a BrewDog.Rivette31.12.2012