BrewDog Launch FAKE Lager

BrewDog finally go mainstream

BrewDog Launch FAKE Lager

We are delighted to announce the launch of Fake Lager.

Fake is the new black. Fake is where it is at. Fake Art, fake brands, fake breasts, and fake lager.

We want to play our part in the ugly fallout from the Lager Dream.  Say hello to Fake Lager – a 21st century faux masterpiece.

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The beer also marks a change in direction for BrewDog. Having studied the beer market closely over the last few years we have decided to abandon our principles and everything we believe in and give the market what it wants: lowest common denominator beer.

If you want to define yourself with tasteless, whoring mediocrity, then this new beer is for you. We are going to join forces with the mass market beer conglomerates. They will be our brothers in arms, as we seek to help them destroy the very essence of beer.

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Stunning features of Fake Lager:

  • Brewed with Rice, Corn and Glucose Syrups. Hey, they are much cheaper than malt you know.
  • No Hops at all. They are expensive and have flavour. Leaving them out saves everyone time and money.
  • Brewed at 10% ABV then diluted back to 4.7% with water just before packaging making it incredibly cheap to produce. Win.
  • We add fish-guts, loads of chemicals and other really scary stuff. Not sure why. Just seems to be the done thing with industrial lagers.
  • It only takes 3 days from brewing to shipping. Punk IPA takes 30 – what a waste of time!
  • Almost no flavour at all. Hints of cardboard, snake oil and corroding metals.
  • Quadruple filtered and pasteurised to the point it no longer has any discernible soul.
  • Actively promotes binge drinking because we are going to sell it super cheap.
  • Backed with a huge advertising campaign to try and trick people into thinking it is actually good. People are stupid, they will definitely believe us.
  •  Good men, blissful in their ignorance, will soak up it up like vermin.

Fake Lager launches in all BrewDog Bars on Saturday 6th April. Leave your morals, principles and taste-buds at the door.

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Some of our team are a bit sad about this. They even made signs. They will get over it when they see how much money it makes us. If you are going to be a sell-out, you might as well do it on a grandiose scale.

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Comments (40)

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Ben F 4th April, 2013 2:25pm
The sad thing is I have tasted more than some actual beers that had cardboard-like flavours, and definitely corroding metal if the pub's not keeping the quality control strict enough.Never in a Brewdog pub though!
XOSE PI 3rd April, 2013 11:03pm
BRUTAL!! Thanks by OPEN our EYES!!
Orffyreus 3rd April, 2013 9:28am
It's Resch's reborn!
Pete H., Nottm 2nd April, 2013 1:12pm
Does the Portman Group know about this ??!!??Keep up the great work.Happy (Hoppy ?) April first.Sorry my post is a day late.
SMINF 2nd April, 2013 11:05am
Is there going to be a low calorie version?
Marciocepeda 2nd April, 2013 4:00am
When the light version will be released??
iskandra 2nd April, 2013 2:30am
Thank goodness you've stopped with the pretentious shite of taste and quality and finally brewed a proper rat's piss ale. Love the fine flavour of fish guts, mates! Though I agree, this needs a clear bottle! Also, does it come in "Lite" as well? I still have to drink something as GODAWFUL as Miller's Lite produced in Europe, so looking forward to this!
Olefattguy 1st April, 2013 8:00pm
Great job guys, as a shareholder i am looking forward to the maximised profit!! ;)
Scotties 1st April, 2013 6:43pm
Awesome. I've always wanted to show up to friends houses with a cool beer like brewdog, but I can't stand the taste of hops and malt. Thanks guys.
te.m@ntlworld.com 1st April, 2013 6:41pm
5 seconds.
ninux 1st April, 2013 5:17pm
I wanna taste the undiluted version !
ButtsMcGee 1st April, 2013 4:36pm
^Reassuringly. Two "s"s.
WhiteBreadLife 1st April, 2013 4:05pm
If you have a Brewpub patrons can just piss it right back into the vats.
Hipster01 1st April, 2013 3:50pm
6 pack should come with frames with no lenses. Fake glasses is so where it's at.
Pucknbeer 1st April, 2013 3:34pm
Someone at inBev probably read this and got worried about having some more competition in the chilled urine market. Brilliant!
Steve Armstrong 1st April, 2013 3:29pm
I'm a little worried by the look George is giving James in that first picture...
Bdurg 1st April, 2013 2:31pm
Fake beards?
Kenny B 1st April, 2013 2:11pm
Guess I'll be carling in for some!
Craft Beer Monger 1st April, 2013 2:00pm
Will the label have a 2-stage cold indicator to tell me:1. When it's cold.2. When it's REALLY cold!?LOL
hopchick 1st April, 2013 1:32pm
If I drink it, will it make me popular at parties?
MegaRon 1st April, 2013 1:28pm
Should of just called it "tramps piss"
Ponyhead 1st April, 2013 12:53pm
Tried some. Needs more fish guts.
smiddyboy 1st April, 2013 12:31pm
Is it going to be available 'Extra Cold' ?
Ian Prise 1st April, 2013 10:45am
Will you be doing a canned version at 2.4% diluted with horse urine as a supermarket own brand lager?
GopherTea 1st April, 2013 10:39am
Happy 1st April guys
Young Henrys Brewer 1st April, 2013 10:38am
No Tetrahop so disappointed that it wasn't packaged in a clear bottle.
FakeFan 1st April, 2013 10:28am
After 12 will we actually find out what's really in the lager? :D
Jordanchaos 1st April, 2013 10:20am
Still be better than fosters
Ccbkstb 1st April, 2013 10:17am
You got me. Good one. Happy Day, 1/4/2013 today!
Stosh65 1st April, 2013 10:14am
Good to see you've finally caved in like good little boys!
Todd 1st April, 2013 10:06am
I'd prefer a clear bottle too, just to let the sun do as it pleases. :)
BigSayer 1st April, 2013 10:03am
Really disappointed! If you are going to dilute at the bottling stage it needs to be to less than 4%!!:)
Jokeyjon 1st April, 2013 9:56am
Although Mikeller might consider himself the Gypsy of beers....
Jokeyjon 1st April, 2013 9:54am
I love the "Gypsy of beers" tag - wouldn't be surprised to see that pop up somewhere else at a later date. I would like to add my name to the no doubt huge waiting list.
Rothiseph 1st April, 2013 9:51am
TAKE ALL MY MONEY
Degmau5 1st April, 2013 9:51am
Awesome, I'm sick of drinking Skol and Hofmeister. I will be able to drink this on the top step of my dubstep ladder!
Danwilliams 1st April, 2013 9:43am
I'm disappointed - all fake lagers should be bottled in clear glad bottles ;-)
fatboyfat 1st April, 2013 9:41am
Have you been looking at InBev's business plan again?
Mark 1st April, 2013 9:29am
Ha Ha, This could be weatherspoons new 99p bottle ha ha, good job I checked the date when I read this otherwise I'd be panicking right about now lol
Phil901 1st April, 2013 9:21am
WOW Can I order a bucket full!!!..