Bracken's Crystal Ball
Bracken takes a look into the year ahead...
Some dogs prefer balls of the tennis variety, but our resident beer hound Bracken prefers those made of crystal. When we found out Bracken was something of a closet Mystic Meg, we set him to task forecasting the year ahead to find out what lies in store for BrewDog in 2011. So roll up, roll up for a glimpse through the mists of time...
1. BrewDog will brew the world's first 100% ABV beer
Last year we brewed amplified ABVs that were cranked up to 32%, 41% and even 55%. While the latter – the End of History – promised to draw a line under our series of super strong beers, 2011 could see BrewDog throw caution to the wind completely and brew a 100% ABV beer. Not so much a beer but just pure ethanol, BrewDog's 100% ABV limited edition range – stuffed inside a collection of second hand trainers – promises to fight binge drinking head on, putting off even the most hardened park bench drinkers among us.
2. BrewDog will open more bars, including one in every school
2010 was a good year for the BrewDog bar with an opening in Aberdeen and plans put in place for Edinburgh, London and Glasgow. 2011, however, will see an unprecedented rise in the demand for BrewDog bars leading to the 'one of every corner' effect more commonly associated with classy establishments like MacDonalds and Starbucks. With the craft beer revolution in full swing, Government lobbyists could then call for children as young as five to be educated about the benefits of artisan beers, eventually seeing BrewDog bars replace playground tuck shops up and down the country...beer for little punks everywhere.
3. BrewDog will resurrect Paul the octopus
After correctly predicting the outcome of the South African World Cup, movie and sponsorship deals in the pipeline and shoals of crustacean groupies on his arms, things were on the up for Paul the psychic octopus. That was, until he died. Needless to saw, BrewDog was devastated by the news and it wasn't long until Paul was repatriated to the ice cream factory where we freeze Tactical Nuclear Penguin. BrewDog are currently working on the technology required, but hope to wake Paul from a cryogenic slumber by the end of 2011.
4. Beer bottle golf and baseball become a recognised sport
With the 2012 Olympics just around the corner, the focus on sport is predicted to heat up in the next 12 months. This includes lesser known sports like tiddlywinks and extreme ironing. BrewDog have long been in the process of developing our own sports – beer bottle golf and baseball – and Bracken only foresees these becoming more popular to the point where they becomes the national sports of Fraserburgh; replacing wheelie bin punting and granny slinging.
5. BrewDog will finally bring down Western civilisation
It's been in the pipeline for a while now but Bracken's predictions for 2011 finally sees Western civilisation crumble under the mighty force of BrewDog and the craft beer revolution. We're talking chaos in the streets, obligatory BrewDog tattoos for every citizen and taps that run with Punk IPA...every cloud has it's silver lining.
- Can you please open a bar in Leeds? Now. Cat Thom04.02.2011
- Can I volunteer to cut the ribbon at the Glasgow pub opening? (no scissors required). I've got the parade to do at 2pm every day in Edinburgh but am available after that. Can provide own costume for novelty value as well. Oswald Cobblepot, Gotham City03.02.2011
- Jimmy - as soon as we know! nothing confirmed yet. James, BrewDog02.02.2011
- You gonna tell us where about this Glasgow Brewdog pubs going to be? Jimmy02.02.2011
- Thatcher took away free school milk. Like the idea of Brewdog in schools. Maybe the milk could be replaced with free school Nanny State. I'm away to phone my counciller and demand this now. Ian Prise02.02.2011
- These are the best and most reliable predictions I've heard this year !
Alastair, www.TheDrinkingMansGuideToScotland.comAlastair R. Turnbull02.02.2011
- Rather than replace wheelie bin punting & granny slinging you could have them in with beer & baseball golf and have a Brewdog sponsored half decathlon (quadathon?). Would the gold, silver & bronze be presented with 55%, 41% & 32% beers instead of medals? Can't drink medals Darth Vader, Star Wars-ville02.02.2011
- Bracken is right on the money I reckon. Neil, www.eatingisntcheating.blogspot.com02.02.2011
- Sounds like we've got a good year ahead Tom Pickering02.02.2011
- good work lads and lasses and that last picture perfect for a wallpaper shaun02.02.2011